Reckless

Originally written on September 20, 2011

I have to put my bicycle up for the season. I fear it's not safe for me to be riding it as I've become reckless with it. I'm not doing deliberately stupid things, just not paying attention as I have to. Especially when I ride at speeds over 30mph. It's dangerous for me and puts others at risk too.

I had a really close call this evening. I went out for a quick 25 mile ride after getting home. I just needed the workout. I got into this zone, but it wasn't a good zone as I disconnected myself from my surroundings. I entered an intersection on County Road W200S heading west out of Hancock county, but I went through a stop sign. Thankfully she was paying attention and screeched to a stop. It was my fault. It could have been disastrous.

No one was hurt, not me or my bicycle as I ended up on the side of the road just past the intersection. I got called a few choice words and she went on her way. "I'm sorry." made its way out of my mouth as I got off my bike, laid it on the gravel shoulder and sat down. I was now out of harm’s way. I looked each way up the roads. I noticed that my right hand was shaking as I realized that tears were finding their way down my cheeks. I grabbed one of my water bottles and took a long drink.

I'm sitting in the moist gravel with my head in my arms looking down at my feet. I'm not in a good place. I know this and shouldn't be riding. I zoned out and almost paid that ultimate price of not paying attention. The past few years raced through my mind. I'm obviously troubled by it all.

I was obviously in another zone and didn't notice a car had stopped near me. I heard the door close, looked up and saw a sheriff's car with his lights on. "Are you okay?" He thought I was hurt. I nodded I was okay, but he could see the stress in my face. He put his hand on my shoulder, "You're not hurt?" "No. I'm fine. Was a close call, too close." We talked, but we didn't talk. I was only about 6 miles from home to finish my ride. I fixed my "mind" a bit, thanked him. He checked me out, then said to be careful.

He watched me get up, pick my bike up and get ready to ride again. I said thank you again. He went his way and I headed home. I rode at a leisurely pace, for me at least; of about 18mph. Got home and put my bike back up on its rack. I'll ride again. I have no doubts on that. It will just be a while before I do so.