Riders on the Storm

Originally written on October 15, 2010.

It never ceases to amaze me how music functions as a virtual time machine to our spirit and soul. I'm reading the paper this morning, drinking coffee and listening to the radio, 92.3 WTTS, a really good rock station out of Bloomington, Indiana. The station reminds me a lot of WXRT from my days in Chicago, with their eclectic mix of old and new music. A song came on that I have not heard in quite some time. It was The Doors classic Riders on the Storm.

The coffee cup and newspaper disappeared as I found myself whisked off to a time long since gone. 1971, I turned 15 that year and would enter my freshman year at Robert A. Waller High School that September. I remember when I first heard the song how powerful it was for me. These lyrics and music and sounds of wind and storm and rain captivated me. It was hypnotic. We became one as it coursed through me.

Here I am now, in a room off the living room, playing the album on a console stereo my parents had. It rested under this window on these very old oak floors, resonating their fibers into the music. When I was the only one home, I remember playing it as loud as the stereo allowed. I would close my eyes and move with the music and embrace the lyrics ... "Into this house we're born, into this life we're thrown" ...

I entered high school that year. The end of my 8th grade was rather tumultuous as I survived a serious and months long bout with Rheumatic Fever. I basically finished elementary school doing most of my studies from home. Still, I passed with honors. It was also the year I made a lot of choices for myself. I couldn't rely on my father, who spent most of his time in a drunken stupor around moments of rage, some of which was directed at me. My mom did her best, but much of the time she was a spectator crying more than a person should. Through it all, she supported my choices, not so much with permission, more so with acceptance and allowance. Mostly she watched as I became, and did so with rare interruptions of questions or corrections. With mama, I guess I did okay. With papa, a perfect report card was a roulette spin of a reaction.

Riders on the Storm ... pretty much where I felt my life was then, surfing on the edge of a hurricane. Doing everything I could to stay on the board and just ahead of the crest of the massive wave that was my life. When I fell, I had to get back up quickly, no time to feel the pain, no time to cry, only thing I had to do was catch the next wave. Riding out the storm was my life.

Many of my friends of that time were unaware of my place, that where I'm from. An old high school friend, Amy whom I've rediscovered through Facebook, made certain comments recently that attested to that. My home life was anything but pleasant, so I avoided it at every opportunity. Nothing to brag about or want. Yet here I am transported to a moment I remember well. My eyes closed, moving to music and fixated upon these lyrics that resonated with me.

"Into this life we're thrown" ... As a child, we aren't given a choice on the life that is presented to us. We go where we all go. I honestly don't know how I got to be who I am this day. I know of the choices I made and I suspect that had much to do with it. Good choices resulted in good outcomes, while poor ones didn't. I've screwed up enough times to know I don't like screwing up. Yet much of me is deep in me, maybe even in my DNA.

The song is over and I'm back to my coffee, but the paper got lost to my thoughts. Life is a lot like the weather and all of its idiosyncrasies and neurosis of ups and downs. I've experienced wonders that permeate my soul and will never leave me as I can bask in them when I choose. I've also had storms to navigate through and around. Today I'm dealing with a storm as I work to resolve my latest career drama. I'll survive it as I am a fighter and a survivor.

Even deep in the storm I have great moments. I realized I didn't have the song Riders on the Storm, so I went to iTunes and downloaded it. Now I can hear it any time I want and transport myself to a time when I closed my eyes, moved to the music with my arms moving loosely and my body swaying on the hardwood floor in the home of my parents, imagining the thunder and the rain on my skin as I'm an actor out alone on the stage, that is my life.